About me... I am a Mom. I used to do other things, like have a successful career. I retired at the old age of 28 and was given the gift of being a stay at home Mommy. I wasn't so sure about giving up my income, freedom and control but it turns out, I'm made for this! I don't have a conventional family (who does?). I was married before and so was my husband. We were both blessed with two children each before meeting. Kind of like the Brady bunch minus 2. I thought that marriage was easy if you just found the right mate.... wrong! There are no perfect people, most of all me. I found out that even though I had found some one who met all pf my criteria (all the checks were marked off my list) this relationship stuff is hard. Especially hard if you don't want to settle for an average, run of the mill, passionate-less marriage. Oh, by the way, I am very passionate! There really are not many subjects that I haven't formed an opinion about. (One of my husband's favorite & least favorite qualities in me.) Do you know what I realized? That even though I had worked so hard to find a great mate, I was the other half of this relationship. Now, you would think that I knew I had baggage, but I was really clueless when it came to my insecurities, formed negative opinions, and scars that were so deep it took years of focused work to dig up. I came from a christian home and was raised "right". Perfect baptist parents- No drinking, no smoking, no cursing. Unfortunately, there was a not so perfect past and I had a father that I never knew. This can breed some abandonment issues in a girl... and oh how I have them. The things that plague a little girl's mind when she feels less than, unlovable , and unworthy can wreck havoc in a heart. Although my parents tried to stay together, they divorced when I was 13. It was the first life altering experience that would change my life's trajectory. I don't blame my parents for my years of rebellion following their divorce but it certainly played a huge part. My teenage years were very dark and I am not proud of who I was. As I sought approval from my peers and young boys, I found my self struggling for my own identity. It took years to realize that I had no identity of my own. I tried to act, look like and be who I thought others would want and accept. The problem with this is, the world changes who they want. Who can keep up with that? And who wants to? How do you stop the train? These were all things I felt and desperately looked outside my self to find answers. During this time, I married and divorced. Although, I vowed to never divorce it was as if there was something else working against me that I had no power against. The world loves to tell you lies. You deserve more, no one should treat you this way, life's too short to be unhappy, you have a soul mate out there. The list goes on and on. Shortly after the end of my marriage I was diagnosed with cancer. The funny thing is... this reality only drove me to work harder to get approval from others. I had to prove that I could be a good mother, I had to prove I could provide all the comforts of this world, I had to prove I could be successful in my career, I had to prove that cancer wouldn't bring me down, I had to prove that I was good enough. Enough you ask? What's enough? Enough to have value. Enough to have worth. A couple years later, in 2005, I was hit with a lightening bolt. Not literally but figuratively... one that said, All of your past has been orchestrated for a purpose. I had thought that my life had been a series of tragic events that I didn't want to face or deal with. God told me that He would use my past & pain to show me how He loves, forgives, renews, heals, and uses our mess to become our message. You know what? The truth is, my past really isn't that different from most. Yes, I didn't know my biological father, my parents divorced, I had cancer, but most of us at the core have the same desires. We want to be known and loved anyway. We want to be forgiven for our bad choices and given another chance. We want to know that what we have believed and lived for is the truth (truth is Huge!) We want to finish this race here on earth strong and leave behind a legacy for our children.... And if we're lucky, our children's children. Let me tell you, if there's one thing I want to be known for when I'm gone, it is that I lived for the One bigger than me and my series of tragic events. What I have learned by following the One who defines truth has changed my world, my desires, my Identity! I have an identity people! I am the daughter of a King! I am a child of the Maker! And He says I have worth to Him. I pray that I can pass that down to my four precious children. I pray that I can live that truth fully so that others will want to know Who I know.