About me... I am a Mom. I used to do other things, like have a successful career. I retired at the old age of 28 and was given the gift of being a stay at home Mommy. I wasn't so sure about giving up my income, freedom and control but it turns out, I'm made for this! I don't have a conventional family (who does?). I was married before and so was my husband. We were both blessed with two children each before meeting. Kind of like the Brady bunch minus 2. I thought that marriage was easy if you just found the right mate.... wrong! There are no perfect people, most of all me. I found out that even though I had found some one who met all pf my criteria (all the checks were marked off my list) this relationship stuff is hard. Especially hard if you don't want to settle for an average, run of the mill, passionate-less marriage. Oh, by the way, I am very passionate! There really are not many subjects that I haven't formed an opinion about. (One of my husband's favorite & least favorite qualities in me.) Do you know what I realized? That even though I had worked so hard to find a great mate, I was the other half of this relationship. Now, you would think that I knew I had baggage, but I was really clueless when it came to my insecurities, formed negative opinions, and scars that were so deep it took years of focused work to dig up. I came from a christian home and was raised "right". Perfect baptist parents- No drinking, no smoking, no cursing. Unfortunately, there was a not so perfect past and I had a father that I never knew. This can breed some abandonment issues in a girl... and oh how I have them. The things that plague a little girl's mind when she feels less than, unlovable , and unworthy can wreck havoc in a heart. Although my parents tried to stay together, they divorced when I was 13. It was the first life altering experience that would change my life's trajectory. I don't blame my parents for my years of rebellion following their divorce but it certainly played a huge part. My teenage years were very dark and I am not proud of who I was. As I sought approval from my peers and young boys, I found my self struggling for my own identity. It took years to realize that I had no identity of my own. I tried to act, look like and be who I thought others would want and accept. The problem with this is, the world changes who they want. Who can keep up with that? And who wants to? How do you stop the train? These were all things I felt and desperately looked outside my self to find answers. During this time, I married and divorced. Although, I vowed to never divorce it was as if there was something else working against me that I had no power against. The world loves to tell you lies. You deserve more, no one should treat you this way, life's too short to be unhappy, you have a soul mate out there. The list goes on and on. Shortly after the end of my marriage I was diagnosed with cancer. The funny thing is... this reality only drove me to work harder to get approval from others. I had to prove that I could be a good mother, I had to prove I could provide all the comforts of this world, I had to prove I could be successful in my career, I had to prove that cancer wouldn't bring me down, I had to prove that I was good enough. Enough you ask? What's enough? Enough to have value. Enough to have worth. A couple years later, in 2005, I was hit with a lightening bolt. Not literally but figuratively... one that said, All of your past has been orchestrated for a purpose. I had thought that my life had been a series of tragic events that I didn't want to face or deal with. God told me that He would use my past & pain to show me how He loves, forgives, renews, heals, and uses our mess to become our message. You know what? The truth is, my past really isn't that different from most. Yes, I didn't know my biological father, my parents divorced, I had cancer, but most of us at the core have the same desires. We want to be known and loved anyway. We want to be forgiven for our bad choices and given another chance. We want to know that what we have believed and lived for is the truth (truth is Huge!) We want to finish this race here on earth strong and leave behind a legacy for our children.... And if we're lucky, our children's children. Let me tell you, if there's one thing I want to be known for when I'm gone, it is that I lived for the One bigger than me and my series of tragic events. What I have learned by following the One who defines truth has changed my world, my desires, my Identity! I have an identity people! I am the daughter of a King! I am a child of the Maker! And He says I have worth to Him. I pray that I can pass that down to my four precious children. I pray that I can live that truth fully so that others will want to know Who I know.

Letter from an atheist

“You are really convinced that you’ve got all the answers. You’ve really got yourself tricked into believing that you’re 100% right. Well, let me tell you just one thing. Do you consider yourself to be compassionate of other humans? If you’re right, as you say you are, and you believe that, then how can you sleep at night? When you speak with me, you are speaking with someone who you believe is walking directly into eternal damnation, into an endless onslaught of horrendous pain which your ‘loving’ god created, yet you stand by and do nothing.
If you believed one bit that thousands every day were falling into an eternal and unchangeable fate, you should be running the streets mad with rage at their blindness. That’s equivalent to standing on a street corner and watching every person that passes you walk blindly directly into the path of a bus and die, yet you stand idly by and do nothing. You’re just twiddling your thumbs, happy in the knowledge that one day that ‘walk’ signal will shine your way across the road.
Think about it. Imagine the horrors hell must have in store if the Bible is true. You’re just going to allow that to happen and not care about saving anyone but yourself? If you’re right then you’re an uncaring, unemotional and purely selfish (expletive) that has no right to talk about subjects such as love and caring.”

Support the Chosen People

The nations of the Middle East have allied against Israel, and it seems that across the globe, most countries do not care that God's chosen people could be in peril from their Arab neighbors. But God promised to bless those who stand with Israel...and curse those whose actions- or negligence- bring Israel sorrow. Now is the time to support the people of Israel. It is critical that you encourage President Obama to take a more pro-Israel position, in order to bless the Jewish people and to bring blessing to our country.

LETTER OF SUPPORT FOR ISRAEL TO PRESIDENT OBAMA:
The bible promises God's blessing for those who bless the Jewish people, and God's curses upon those who curse Israel, or her people. At this critical moment in the U.S. history, it is imperative for the future of our nation which threatens Israel's people and sovereignty. Please do all that you can, in your pivotal position, to make sure that our country is aligned with Israel in support of their nation, which has been a faithful friend to the United States. We must be aligned against the enemies of Israel, who have time and again shown their hatred and duplicity.

Signed________________________

Please do not turn a deaf ear to the cries of God's chosen people.
To financially support sharing the good news of Jesus , the Messiah of Israel to God's Chosen People, please visit www.chosenpeople.com

March 1st 2008

It seemed fitting that our first entry be our wedding day.... As my sweet son Grant just said over my shoulder...."that is how we became." It is amazing looking back to where we started.... the first time Raymond and I met at Oceanaire (poor Raymond didn't know I don't eat seafood:)), the first time the kids met at a Roughriders game, when Raymond proposed in Cabo, taking Grant & Haley to Wildcatter (our favorite ranch), the first time I got to do Haley's hair (oh how I have longed for a little girl to dress up), selling our houses.... moving into my mom's until our wedding day.... living in a 3 bedroom condo until our house was finished.... I could go on and on.

The most amazing thing has been seeing the Lord bind our blended family together. Raymond and I have spent endless hours on our knees praying for the Lord to work a miracle in all our hearts and make our family even stronger than a biological one. "and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no long two but one." Mark 10:8 We know that the Lord supernaturally joins us as husband and wife.... but we also prayed that He would also join our families.... that Grant & Haley would be loved by me as their own mother and Payton & Triston would know that Raymond loves them as his own sons. This has not been an easy journey..... there have been many nights filled with tears.... but nothing is too big for our God! 1 Cor. 10:13

This is where we came up for our blogs verse.... Any other family might not be able to adapt and "become" but with the Lord on our side we have nothing to fear. The six of us have had to sacrifice our own desires for one another, we have shared toys, beds, clothes (except for Haley :)), mommies and daddies. As my sweet friend says, the less we have for ourselves and the more we serve others, this is how we love the Lord. Raymond and I believe we are teaching our children a great lesson in this world of abundance and plenty.

So praise be to God for where we are today! I would have never guessed that I would be a stay at home mother of 4.... I know this is right where the Lord has led me.... where I can be useful to Him.